In recovery from anorexia and bulimia it is important to think about what you are recovering to- to have some type of vision board or to have ideas in your head about what life will be in your journey of recovery. Once the eating disorder voice is silenced and you step back into life what are looking forward to? For me it was letting go of the eating disorder thoughts so I can could fully connect with another person. To be comfortable in my own skin. To feel free.
And as you know my journey was not linear- it was a very bumpy path with tons of obstacles to fight through. Now recovered, I sit down a few times a year and make a list- a list of recent moments that I was able to enjoy because of my recovery.
Two weeks ago I spent a day at my pool with my boyfriend. It was a Saturday. A lazy day. I threw on a bathing suit without criticizing my body. I lounged, read, played cards and ate snacks. As were playing gin rummy my entire body filled with joy because I was totally in the moment. With recovery I have been able to fill my mind with happiness, joy and peace. Because I am not consumed with thoughts of my body, weight and shape I am free.
Recovered, here is a small list of recent situations where I feel free:
- Sharing a pizza with my boyfriend on a Wednesday night.
- Sitting by my pool, drinking coffee instead of going to a spinning class that was on my schedule.
- Drinking sweetened iced tea to quench my thirst.
- Celebrating my “here and now” body.
- Using self-compassion to silence the inner critic.
- Genuinely laughing.
- Having the ability to smile.
- Lounging by the pool and focusing on playing games and true human connection.
- Trying on one outfit for work.
- Increasing my passion for reading and writing.
I had an old blog that was quite similar to this. I write about it again because it is such a vital part of recovery. So get out a piece of poster and create a vision board, grab a journal and make a list or fill post-its and stick them on your mirror. As you recover, as the eating disorder voice is blunted, the world slowly becomes free.
What are you recovering? When do you feel free?
We can recover one day at a time.
Serenity Always,
Meredith
