The present moment

I was never in the present moment. It was just too painful. I always felt so uncomfortable in my own skin- like I literally wanted to crawl out of it. I was either in the past or the future. When I was focusing on the past I was usually putting myself down for messing up or for not following my anorexia rules perfectly. The future was somehow going be miraculously better. I was going to get to that perfect weight or I was finally going to feel worthy of something.

I was on autopilot. I was sprinting with blinders on through my life. I was rarely ever fully present. I played ping pong in my mind flipping from a past thought to future thought. The present scared the crap out of me, so I avoided it all costs.

Mindfulness is a skill that was crucial to my recovery from anorexia. Mindfulness means purposefully paying attention to the present moment with awareness and acceptance. Mindfulness helped me to slow down and truly check in with myself. I was able to identify what I was feeling and thinking with a sense of clarity. I then was able to reduce my emotionality and move closer to wise mind.

I practice mindfulness daily. I encourage you to give it a try. You can download mindfulness exercises online, buy a book or print examples from the internet. FYI- this is a skill that you need to practice consistently. You get better with practice. It is a skill just like riding a bike or public speaking. The simple exercise that I suggest to anyone new to mindfulness is to practice focusing on your breath:

  • Find a quiet place free of distraction.
  • Sit comfortable, with your back straight but relaxed. Close your eyes if you choose.
  • Focus your awareness on your breath. Pay attention to the sensations of the inhalation and exhalation. Start again on the next breath.
  • Notice anything else that comes to your mind as a distraction, such as a bodily sensation, thought or sound. Notice them and gently return your attention to your breath.
  • Take a few moments to yourself to really feel connected with the present moment.
  • Take a few moments to think about what your experience was in this exercise, and how you feel in the present moment.

Practice mindfulness. Stay recovery-focused. One day at a time.

Serenity Always,

Meredith

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