I recently celebrated my 41st birthday. When I was battling anorexia I would feel depressed on my birthday and focus on everything that I did not accomplish over the past year. Now recovered, I look forward to my birthday. I let go of what others think, stop comparing myself to others and understand that I am enough.
I had an incredibly special day. It was beautiful, sunny and warm. I woke up early, had breakfast with my parents, went on a walk, cleaned my patio, spoke to loved ones and friends and watched a movie. The best part of the day was simply feeling comfortable in my body. It was amazing to take off my sweater in the restaurant during breakfast when I was hot and not feeling self-conscious about my arms. It was great wearing pants, something that has taken me so long to wear, and not obsessing about any type of zipper or button on my waist. It was fun trying the warmed crumb cake and not thinking if I deserved it or not or about how many calories each bite was.
In recovery from anorexia I have learned that I am enough. From a place deep within me I radically accept that I am all that I need to be. I love myself. I accept myself. I am me. I am enough. I am not in competition with anyone (especially myself!) and I treat my body with love and kindness. This is very different from how I used to treat myself. I was an enemy to my body for most of my life. It was never thin enough, small enough, sculpted enough or good enough. I used to beat it up with restricting, bingeing, purging or working out for hours at end. I would stare at the mirror and rip it apart with my words: “you are unlovable” or “you are nothing.”
Positive affirmations is a tool I use daily to propel my positive thinking and to help me to accept and believe that I am enough. Positive affirmations are positive phrases and thoughts that you say to yourself which describe how you are and how you want to be. With consistency, the skill will help to reprogram your thought patterns and quiet negative thought patterns. Just yesterday I looked in the mirror and said “I celebrate my curves as a woman” after I had a brief self-critical thought. During a workout I mentally said to myself “I am strong.” I consistently focus on my strengths and my assets.
I remember in my IOP I used to repeat self-loathing statements at myself when I worked out on the elliptical machine each morning. I would stare in the mirror and beat myself down. One morning I started to “shh” at my thoughts. I was trying to quiet the self-criticism. Then I created a personal affirmation- “I am strong, healthy and hot” (see what I did there—I made an acronym!). I did not believe the statement at first, but with time and repetition I started to believe.
Each day take an index card and write down a positive affirmation. Try and make the affirmation in the present tense and personalize it. Carry the card with you and look at it multiple times during the day. Say it out loud and mentally say it to yourself with passion. Take a picture of it on your phone and save it as your screen saver for the day. Many of us are so quick to focus on our faults, weaknesses or flaws. Positive affirmations is about celebrating our strengths and affirming who we are.
Here are some examples of positive affirmations:
- I deserve to be happy
- I am enough
- I love myself and accept myself unconditionally
- I am a strong and confident person
- I am deeply fulfilled with who I am
I challenge you to do the exercise outlined above one day at a time. You are enough.
Serenity Always,
Meredith
